The Secret To Being Selfless

Selfless service is the theme of most of the religious institutions. In Sikhism, selfless service is a major teaching. One is taught to indulge in it since childhood. But we still do it with a thought that good will come to us, making it not-selfless.

Then what actually is selflessness?

Some say it is an indirect service to God.

Why are we serving God? So that He is good to us. But we still curse Him when something goes wrong.

Selflessness means to serve others without expecting anything in return. Not even a “Thank you” or any “Good” coming to us. This includes working without an expectation of result.

Why in the world will anyone work without an expectation of some result? We’re all trying to get somewhere. Right? What value is our work if it’s not yielding anything? We are going to look stupid working without pay just for a cause. How are we going to eat? Can you work selflessly and still be fulfilled?

This is a hard-hitting question. In this material world, our hard work must give results or else we cannot survive. How do we, then, work at such a job that is both fulfilling and meets our materialistic needs? But if it does, how is it even selfless? This is a debatable paradox.

• Did you have children because you thought they’ll be your support system when you get old? Did you curse them because they left you alone instead?

• Did you help your friend because you might need them as well in the future? Did you feel used when they turned their back when the time came?

• Did you help your parents because they own assets? You were always on their good pages. What if they didn’t leave you anything? Do you hate them for using you?

If you loved yourself, you wouldn’t experience the reaction of them betraying you. Because you took it as a possibility and you were totally okay with it! All you gave was selfless love and support because that's what you had for yourself as well.

Shortcuts are going to cost you. That’s why, before starting to serve others, the river of self-love must be crossed. Only when you truly love yourself, you can work selflessly in a real sense. Only when you’re fulfilled inside, you can give endlessly without expectations. Only when you’ve taken enough care of yourself, you can serve others. That’s because you know you’re already fulfilled and nothing can change that.

At a stage where you’re fully self-aware, giving doesn’t hurt you because it’s not yours to give. Have you reached this stage? If no, don’t attempt all kinds of selfless service and then crib about not getting results ( I might sound harsh, sorry, lol). You’ll always be disappointed because this world is full of ungrateful people and situations, for the very same reasons - they don't love themselves.

You cannot attempt altruism if you think you possess something in this world. No one owns anything. All the resources are for everyone to use. You can, however, be the collector and distributor of these resources. So that those who are deprived of the basic resources can have them. This is a basic idea of how you can attempt selfless service without losing your own food. There’s a tradition of donating 10% of your income in some communities. It comes from the same root of the idea.

If You’re Thinking You’re Not Rich Or Knowledgeable To Be Of Selfless Service, Here Are A Few Things Anyone Can Practice And Inculcate Altruism In Their Life:

• Be Kind:

Because everyone is fighting their own battles and kindness is the least you could do to alleviate their suffering. Who knows they might be holding onto the last thread. Kindness often exposes hidden facets in a person and you’ll be the happiest to watch them unfold. This is the no. 1 quality to have as a human.

• Keep Your Basic Morals In Check:

This is a no-brainer. If you hurt someone, even if no one saw it, you own soul did. Trust me, it will bring it back to you at some point in more ways than you can think of. Be good not because being bad comes back to you. Be good because that’s the most basic thing you can do to fulfill your purpose.

• Value Everyone’s Time:

Just because you’re some big famous surgeon, doesn’t mean that you’ll make ailing patients wait outside your office for hours while you sip your coffee and enjoy gossip time with your friends on the phone (experienced this a lot). This is not about simple coffee breaks. I’ve seen patients and students waiting for days before they can even “see” the doctor only to be treated harshly when they finally do. That kind of air won’t get you far.

• Be Humble:

Again quoting the example above, please be humble. No one owns anything. Not even knowledge.

• Share Your Knowledge And Expertise:

Everyone expects a fee to help others, which is fair because they need to pay bills. But one should be wise enough to judge the situation and help someone in need and not shut them out because they can’t pay. Again, as I said, no one really owns anything. All knowledge is universal for everyone in need. Balance giving and receiving in all areas of your life. When you give freely, you receive freely.

That being said, a business needs to be planned and structured in a way that allows for sustainability in both aspects. Only if you earn more, you can give more.

• Taking Pleasure In Other People’s Accomplishments:

I know this is a hard one. We often compare ourselves to others. In the process, we find that life has been unfair to us while being extravagantly in favor of others. This perceived "injustice" creates feelings of jealousy and we find it hard to be happy for others. Being self-less involves seeing other people as a mirror of yourself. Wouldn’t you want humanity to progress as a whole? Then how does someone’s success bother you? Moreover, everyone is on their own journey. Things don’t happen for everyone at the same time for the right reasons.

• Work Towards The Common Goal i.e. Supporting Each Other:

Not just financial, but mental, emotional, moral and spiritual as well. Only if everyone thought this way, the world would be a much better place. I am against those people who despise their children if they haven’t started earning. They are ready to break relations over money. They don’t want to lend any kind of help and often leave them wandering the streets after they’re done physically or verbally abusing them.

In the system of arranged marriage, parents choose a rich man for their daughter, doesn’t matter how abusive he is. She is left to deal with it later because perhaps, for them, money is more important in a marriage, than sane behavior. The same goes for the grown-up kids who choose to abandon their parents over expenditure or illness. Sadly, It’s all about money and never about support and co-existence. Whereas, it should be the MAIN goal of our existence.

In the course of time, you must have known about some advanced souls who are truly altruistic. They arrive on earth to help the progression of humanity. I’m sure a few names might have popped up. But you don’t need to completely leave a normal human life to do that. You can easily follow the simple points above and enjoy a satisfying life with both altruism and abundance.

Some people find it really hard to even love themselves. Loving and respecting others is out of the question. If you’re one of those, I’m with you and I’m here to fully support you to learn to love your own being. Only when you cross this milestone can you be truly happy in selflessness.

Wear your own oxygen mask before helping others.

Thanks for being here.